9 Shower Thoughts Nobody Asked For (NSFW post for the fuddy duddys)

Tell me why this looks like my husband? >_<

“Will my tummy always look like a saggy, old vagine? What the fuck are these wrinkles? Ugh do I even care? IDGAF live and let live baby I MADE life I am stunning…..I miss my old body.”

“Fuck am I pregnant?”

“oh wait you have to have sex to get pregnant..ha…ha…”

cue tears

“oh I forgot the monitor. Am I a bad mother? What if she is suffocating and calling out for me to save her and she is dead?

“It’s kinda nice though the not knowing, the quiet feels like the old days. What was that noise?”

jumps out shower and runs sopping wet to grab monitor before jumping back in shower shivering

“hmmmm when was the last time I showered?”

“oh god now I have to get dried and moisturised and blah blah…can i just wash away down the drain?”

“Can I ….bend water? What if I am….special?” attempts to manipulate water with mind “ha no just kidding…sort of. I am not special…what even is the meaning of life?”

“Wait. Am I peeing right now?”

And that marathon of anxious thinking, ladies and gentlefolks, is why I rarely shower. Or maybe it’s because I am just one gross peoples. Who knows?